So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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