So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
