glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
