Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
