i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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