I got chris browned last night
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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