Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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