ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
