the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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