So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
