I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
