So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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