so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
