Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
