I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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