My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
