apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
