think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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