I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
