this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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