is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the condom got lost in my hair
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Panties = found
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