Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
