$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your penis caused this!
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