She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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