No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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