Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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