I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
