So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
