Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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