The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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