matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
