for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
