Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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