I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
