I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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