He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
