oh god the rape fog is back!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
