sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
