So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
