Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
