dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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