Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
