he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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