that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
