dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
