my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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