How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
