i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
