I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
