Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
well you can't waste a boner
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
