Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
