Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
