DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
