I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
