So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
