does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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