1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
