My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
