oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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