anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
