My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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