Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
