I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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