the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
