This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
