very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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