She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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