it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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