A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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