The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
