you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
