Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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