he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
