More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
