I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
where does the pee come out of this thing
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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