He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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